Skanklin Attacks! YIKES!

It was a warm, breezy August evening in Ghent. The sky was amazingly blue that evening and the trees danced so softly in the wind. Well, to a fantasy driven girl like me I knew that evening would be one for the storybooks.

I met him online, let’s call him Skanklin. Skanklin’s pictures were very attractive; the one with the dark shades on made him seem mysterious, the one taken from far away gave him a boyish appearance and the one with about five of his friends in the picture made him appear to be well liked and popular. Skanklin’s profile said he was; single, 30, 5’10”, very active, athletic and toned, a true gentleman, seeking a long term relationship, and an officer in the military with an income of over $60,000. After finding Skanklin to be slightly attractive and realizing we had a great deal in common, I bit and sent him a flirtatious e-mail.  To make this long story short, our e-mails’ turned to phone calls which turned to us meeting on that warm, breezy August evening in Ghent. I arrived at the restaurant first and anxiously waited for my prince to come.

Five minutes later . . . a 5’8”, balding, unattractive, average built sloppy frog man (sign #1) walks through the doors and says, “Are you Lilly?” Well, being the lady that I am I said AAAAAGGGGGG SHE DIED “yes.” Internally I was dying, I know it’s awful but I’ll fall to my knees for a tall caveman with big bulging muscles, even if the only words he can say are OOGA BOOGA, I’ll politely lay on the floor and hand him my hair. We sat outside for dinner, I was so upset by the lies he told in his profile, I ordered the most expensive meal on the menu (It was awful I barely ate any of it). Throughout dinner, I actually started to like the sloppy little frog. He was smart, funny, vulnerable and easy to converse with, so I reluctantly went on a second date . . . That was me trying not to be an immature, vanity obsessed, dumb-ass who only focuses on the things that shouldn’t matter and overlooks the quirks that makes us all special – THAT DIDN’T LAST LONG!

Our second date was a bit cool for August (sign #2). We met for dinner, I was looking fabulous as usual and he did his best. The entire night he did not stop talking about how much money he had (Code for, “I have a little penis”) and his ex-girl friend. He further went on to tell me how he didn’t want anything serious (sign #3), but I should have a few shots, you know, to loosen up a bit. WHO THE HELL AM I TO TURN DOWN FREE LIQUOR? Three sloppy hours later it’s time to go home and of course I’m too drunk to drive and the not-so gentleman gladly gave me a ride back to his place. That lizard like grin on his face during the ride back to his house dried what moisture there was in my canal . . . EWWW!

Skanklin politely helped me up stairs and that’s when the show started. Skanklin: “Why don’t you get out of that dress and get comfortable in my t-shirt? ” My response, “NO!” Skanklin: “You’ll be more comfortable in bed with me.” My response, “NO!” Skanklin: “Why are you being so difficult, I just want to ta*** you and make you feel good, I don’t want you to do anything?” My response, “EWWWWW NO!”

The next morning:

Skanklin brought me back to my car and sped off before I could close his door shut. Ladies, the moral of this story is: Even Ugly Guys are Jerks. A girl that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up by a panty seeking frog like Skanklin. Pay close attention to the signs! Yes I shouldn’t have gotten drunk and spent the night at his house, but at least I left with part of my dignity. From that trippy experience, I got two expensive dinners and drinks, a fun night of dancing and a good nights sleep. What did Skanklin get, blue balls and the bill.